Endless Memory
by Naomi Wild
Summary: "Siha." Thane parted his hazed lids to undrape the boundless enlightenment he uncovered the last few months from his lucid eyes.These thoughts were of Jane Shepard- the repose of her company shading an eclipse against his hapless fortune...
1. Endless Memory

**A**_** Fanfiction celebrating the progression of Thane and Shepard's romance in Mass Effect 2, narrating the moments they shared between missions. Also illustrates how the couple spend their time between the collector battle and the battle of earth as Shepard struggles to find Thane a cure. **_

_**Jane Shepard: Spacer, Sole Survivor, Soldier. Mostly paragon, but slightly Renegade. Also, she saved the Ascension and let the Council die after the battle with Sovereign.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>(Aite Dessert : After Suicide Mission)<strong>_

"Siha." Thane parted his hazed lids to undrape the boundless enlightenment he uncovered the last few months from his lucid eyes. His thoughts shook from his gaze as a flower bud shakes when a fat drop of rain pushes it downwards. These thoughts were of Jane Shepard- the repose of her company shading an eclipse against his hapless fortune. He wished these thoughts would spill from his soul as a dozen polished gems he could drape around Jane's fingers and tie to her slender neck. He wanted to give her something to hold on to.

The camera beeped. Thane met the lens calmly, penetrating the impassive eye of the lens as though it were Shepard's own readable gaze. Her blue eyes were now as familiar to him as the thoughts behind them, and he wanted to give her the comfort of remembering their wordless discussions. He began speaking to his lover even before parting his lips to mouth his choice words.

"My dear, dear Siha." He grinned. "You've been complaining about by memory lately, about the unfairness of it. I am beginning to sympathize." He cocked his head to the side and slid forward in his chair. "I can at any moment relive my time with you, and you cannot." A heated memory of Jane seized him before he could continue. _She tilts her head back, eyes aflame with determination. Hands press lightly against my back, her soft lips graze my cheek. The smell of her hair, vanilla and jasmine, hits me as I kiss her neck. She sighs. "Thane." _He pulled back to the present, breathing and folding his hands together gingerly. His hands came together like poles reflecting the tension between all opposition: the past and the present, the light and dark, the body and the soul, the desert and the ocean.

"You enjoy taking advantage of my ability," he continued, "observing the pleasure that crosses my face as you trigger these vivid memories." Thane nodded. "You reminded me of our first night together today, just to relive it through my expression." He laughed lightly and then paused to steady his lungs. "I admit it is unfair. I might be… I might be gone soon, and you won't be able to recall our times together when you are alone, as I was able to when Irakah died. "

"Jane, don't misunderstand my motives. I want you to move on when I depart this world, but I cannot deny you your memories." He smiled as his eyes glazed over. "So I will remind you in these recordings of every moment we spent together Siha."

"I know how you will feel when I'm gone. You'll be lonely, remorseful. Yet I pray you will be spared the rage that seized me when I lost Irakah. You are trying so desperately to find a cure, but you mustn't blame yourself if… when you are unsuccessful. Please know Siha that anger is a poison, it will detach your soul from your form and leave you hollow, dead as I was." He shifted. "I want to leave you with a few recordings and letters. The letters may be scarce because I find it difficult to dictate my feelings in your language, and translating it is also proving difficult. However, I will make several vids when I find the time to be alone. You are so difficult to remove from my company; it will be a challenge to find the time. But I will find creative ways to distract you my love. "

He leaned his cheek against his fists "Now. Let's remember when we met. "

* * *

><p><em><strong>(Illium: Before Suicide Mission)<strong>_

Shepard studied her new team member with a watchful and eager interest. He mirrored her placement in the tight cab, positioned across from her in his statuesque still. He was solemn, his black eyes pressed on the ground, hands folded in prayer. The position was measured, as though each joint and bone were carefully placed. She imagined the assassin's concealed thoughts were as carefully measured as his posture.

He had an atmosphere about him, his composure was like a translucent wave lapping gently at her conscience, and he seemed unaware of the pull. Shepard noticed her breathing had steadied and her posture straightened from observing him. She quickly hunched over, discomforted that his presence had manipulated her so unconsciously. Her teammates had succumbed to his stillness as well; Samara and Garrus were completely silent.

His calm aura had curled into the cab with them.

Thane noticed the commander's probing. His large black eyes caught hers.

Shepard refused to advert her gaze. "Praying?" she inquired.

"Thinking." His deep Drell voice rasped against his throat, projecting lyrical sounds Shepard had never heard before.

"I see." She didn't prod him further. Though she was intrigued by his ethereal voice and wanted him to speak more. "About our mission I imagine. Let me know if you have any questions."

Thane shook his head. "Nothing to question. The collectors must be stopped, that is all I need to know."

His voice cut at the air.

"And you know I am with Cerberus?"

Thane studied the darkening horizon through the window, his green scales catching the falling sun as though he had more claim over its warmth then all of Illium. "I have worked for many contacts, with various backgrounds. Their sins are their own to console. The target is what concerns me."

Samara dipped her head in understanding. "Untamed curiosity can lead one through dangerous paths."

"And so can ignorance." Shepard added.

"That is also true Shepard." Samara did not argue.

The commander turned back to Thane. His eyes hadn't left the window. "You're making debrief incredibly simple for me Assassin. Let me know if you wish me to complicate things."

"Judging by the last mission I assume that is a specialty of yours commander." He added.

"You could say that." She mused.

Garrus cut in. "Shepard is trying to sober you. Teaming up with her is… well it's a hell of a ride." Garrus thumped his talons against his assault rifle and nodded towards the commander.

"I suspected that much from the woman who single handedly defeated the Geth." Thane snuck a grin before quickly uncurling his lips.

"No one mentioned me in that fight? Figures." Garrus shrugged.

"Garrus helped a bit." Shepard cupped her hands over her mouth and whispered at the air.

"Thanks Shepard." Garrus retorted.

"Don't mention it." She scrunched her nose at Garrus before smoothing her sarcasm over with a friendly smile.

The cab was silent again. Shepard counted the cabs that laced between the cerulean skyscrapers as she surveyed the assassin from the corner of her eye. He was built like a human. Aside from his double eyelids and green scales he could pass as one. His throat and jaw line were lined with… were they gills?

Thane turned. Shepard felt his eyes land on her. He studied her with the same curiosity she had viewed him with only moments before. The Commander pretended not to notice, though she was tempted to understand the nature of his probing. He was smiling as though he had discovered something about her. Something she wasn't sure she had discovered herself.

The shuttle landed. Samara and Garrus seemed relieved to exit. Thane followed.

Shepard sighed as she stepped out of the cramped cab.

A cold hand gripped hers. Thane was next to her, his green-scaled hand supporting her own. The commander nearly tripped from shock, but Thane guided her step as her feet searched for the ground.

He offered an apology for his manors. "It is steep Shepard." She took it his action was automatic. His hand was cold and firm, she breathed as he released her.

"Thank you Thane, but I can take care of myself." She wasn't accustomed to chivalry from her own crewmembers. Men tended to be too frightened to stand by her, let alone offer assistance.

He bowed and walked ahead. Shepard smiled to herself. If he had the balls to grab her hand, he had the balls to join her team against the collectors. That was for certain. He was lucky she wasn't in the mood to punch him. If it had been anyone else she would have.

Her hand tingled for the next hour. Like a child pressing their fingers into soft clay, his touch had made a gentle dent in her palm. It wasn't a romantic feeling sliding in Shepard's gut yet, but she could feel this stranger's presence begin to unwrap her emotional barriers. He would soon pull her apart like lace. It was only a matter of time.


	2. What You

_**Note: Thank you so much everyone for the feedback. It has defiantly pushed me to keep pursuing this story! I've already written a couple of chapters but I want to make sure they're perfect before posting. You're critic is much appreciated. **_

Thane was pulled from his meditation by the thudding of Shepard's boots against the steel floor. He was gently nestling against the stirring chaos of his fate, attempting to silence his demons with the weapon of his laced palms. Yet Shepard, the embodiment of chaos, pulled him from his efforts. She marched into his room brazenly, but halted a few feet behind him to grant them both a respectful distance.

"Excuse me for marching into your room like this." She began, "I rarely see you on the crew deck. " Thane twisted in his chair to view Shepard halting before his desk. She rested one hand on her hip while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear with the other. "And I need to brief you on our next mission."

"What is it you need?" He asked gently.

She crossed her arms. "It's time to see what your made of Krios. I'm heading to the Citadel tomorrow to … help Garrus with something."

Thane saw she was troubled. He assumed an assassination was what the commander had implied by "help." But she couldn't do it on her own. She wanted him to, naturally. He was curious about her confliction. He did not take her as someone who gunned men down in cold blood. But he restrained himself, spending his thoughts instead on a quick prayer of strength for his commander.

"All you need to do is tell me where to shoot Shepard. My arm is yours." He nodded.

Shepard stepped forward. Thane's eyes trailed her as she walked to the window overlooking the drive core. The blue light skipped down her pale skin as she gathered her thoughts. She turned to face him. "If what you say is true. If you view yourself only as a weapon to my wielding, you must know that my goal is to have as few casualties as possible. I need my entire crew to understand this."

This made more sense to Thane. He surmised that Shepard- though her skills like Thane were to take life, wanted nothing more then to spare it. He even guessed if there was a way for her to spare the collectors she would.

Shepard continued, "Garrus wants revenge. But I'm hoping we can settle this peacefully."

Thane shifted. "If you don't mind me asking Shepard. Why do you need me? My skills lie in taking life."

Shepard took a step forward. "There will be opposition. It is never as simple as gunning down one man. Who knows what we'll face before we reach the target."

"I see." He understood.

"You are a killer. " She paused. "Honestly, your morals frighten me Drell. But I need you on my team, and the fact that you are pliable is… well it is useful."

He was surprised by her honesty. The commander was of course referring to what he had said earlier, that his arm was hers, and that he would do anything she asked. She was respectful, but un-bashful about having control over him. He decided to entertain the thought rather than push it aside. "As I said Shepard, my arm is yours. I will do anything you ask."

"Anything?" She smirked and paced forward a step. "So if I pinned you against say Jack?"

"I'm not that foolish Commander." He grinned.

Shepard shrugged. "That would have been fun."

The drive core pulsed quietly against the silence that hummed between them. "That is all I needed to know." Shepard stretched and headed for the door, but paused before she passed Thane. "I hope your sickness isn't giving you trouble. You should visit Dr. Chakwas or Mordin, I'm having them work on something for you."

"I appreciate it Shepard. I doubt there is much they can do."

"I know we can't cure you Thane, but the pain is something that can be relieved."

"That is kind of you. But it is being attended to."

She looked down at him. "You said this the last time we spoke." She tensed.

Thane knew she despised pain. Shepard was a problem solver, sickness was a problem she could not solve with her strength and will. An image surfaced in his mind of the commander trying to beat down sickness with her fists. She would try if she thought it was possible.

"I need to make sure my crew is comfortable." She continued.

"I am very comfortable Shepard."

She opposed him with her perturbed eyes. Thane realized her pale blue eyes seemed harsh against her fair completion and black hair. It gave her an appearance of softness as well as intensity. Drell didn't have hair. It was a strange to see the substances piled about humans small heads like utensil. But Shepard's hair was unique to Thane. It was tamed and short, gleaming like black silk. A thought itched his mind. Would it feel like silk if he tangled his fingers through it? Thane was shocked by the images that thought triggered. Surely he wasn't attracted to a human. No not attraction, no… just curiosity. Shepard was attractive by human standards, not just physically; she intrigued him in many ways. But he doubted his curiosity could become a romance. Shepard simply had a way of triggering an animalistic response in males. Indeed he often witnessed the male crew acted differently around her. He overheard the discussion of pilots in the dining area making bets on which one could "bed" the commander first. It wasn't a secret, except to Shepard, that Jacob had feelings for her. He noticed whenever a man was added to the crew Jacob became more aggressive and territorial. What was it he called Thane? A "precise mercenary" was it? Shepard was oblivious, or pretending to not notice Jacob's frustration. Or perhaps she was just avoiding him. He didn't take her as the kind of woman to make advances on crewmembers anyways; she was too professional for that.

No. Thane did not have feelings for Shepard. At least, not yet.

"That is all I need to know." She straitened. "I want my crew to be comfortable and in top shape. Let me know if you need anything."

She was firm and strong, yet full of compassion. Thane thought she resembled ancient statues of the goddess Arashu- one hand spearing her enemies and the other nurturing her many children- the perfect marriage of gentleness and destruction.

"I will Shepard. In the meantime I will prepare for the mission."

And with that she turned and left. Thane closed his eyes, but found it difficult to meditate with the image of Shepard standing in front of him replaying again and again in his mind. Thanks to his perfect memory,he would never loose that image.

* * *

><p><em><strong>(Citadel: Warehouse District)<strong>_

"You seem to be getting tense Garre." Shepard extended a hand towards Garrus' shoulder, but let it fall through the air and back to her side before he could turn. His rage pointed from the tip of his words with the tart bite of serrated nails.

"Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear. If so, he knows why were here and I don't want him tipping Sidonis off. "

Garrus turned. She nodded silently; she understood. "We won't find him standing here." Shepard motioned for Thane and Garrus to follow her through the doors toward the swarm of mechs and Blue Suns mercenaries waiting for them.

_Gunfire_. Shepard shoved herself behind a canister as the first of many grenades came her way. She gunned down a clumsy mech. The mech exploded, taking down two men. She exchanged her pistol for a sniper rifle, quickly filling it with incendiary ammo. A handful of approaching Blue Suns caught the corner of her eye.

"Garrus target the approaching troops." She called.

"On it."

Jane brought the rifle to her eye. A Salarian with a grenade launcher was suddenly in the middle of the lens. Her finger moved. He flew backwards into a pile of mechs.

"Nice shot!" Garrus cheered.

The rest of the launchers followed the first. Shepard lined them down.

_No more grenade launchers_. She reached again for her pistol and slapped in some disruptor ammo.

Shepard surveyed the area. She hadn't heard Thane at all. Where was he?

He darted across the corner of her eye. Like a phantom he transfigured across the barriers taking his enemy down in silent waves. He took down two Turians in three moves. First: he shoved one into the other with biotics. Second, he grabbed the closest Turian's head fringe to hold him in position. Third: his rifle was in his hands. Two bullets to the face-They both crumpled to the ground in blue chunks.

_Well I see he is taking care of himself just fine. _ Shepard concentrated on the mechs swarming around her and Garrus. The fidgety things came down easily – she kicked the nearest one into the others and chuckled as they toppled over.

"Systems fail ure ure ure." The robot twitched and exploded.

"Interesting choice of last words." Shepard tripped the closest robot as it tried to take down her shields. She then grabbed the arm of a dismantled mech and used it to slap a few out of the way before she shot at them.

"I see you are enjoying yourself Shepard," Garrus remarked.

"Are you seeing these things die? This is hilarious." Shepard called back, slapping a few more. "Remind me to install some of these on the Normandy. They are great target practice." Shepard hollered as she sent the last mech flying back with her shotgun.

"All clear." Garrus called.

Shepard led them forward.

"I see them." Thane offered a warning before more Blue Suns mercs started firing.

Shepard dived behind a crate. "More? Thane and Garrus hold your position!" Two mercs had superior position overhead. Shepard readied her sniper. No sooner was the weapon in her hands then two men were sent back by her bullets. Mechs peeled around her barrier. Garrus helped her take them down as she used her rifle to pitch off one of their heads.

"Nice." Garrus cheered. Shepard looked for Thane, wondering if he noticed she was inventing a new sport with her new mech head.

He did notice. Thane sent what Shepard took as the last merc soaring through the warehouse and then met the commander's gaze. He stared for a moment, perplexed, worried. His eyes widened.

"SHEPARD! Behind you!" Garrus shouted. Shepard turned to see a mercenary whose weapon was now flying from his hands thanks to Thane's biotics. Shepard elbowed the Salarian and shot him as he spiraled to the ground.

Jane breathed. A vision instantly usurped her conscious._ Flames hiss and coil around the twisting alloy. It utters an abhorrent scream as it crumbles. The explosion rips at my ears and I'm thrown backwards. "Steady yourself. Survey your environment. Find a way to survive." It's my training talking. But I know there is no way out. Not this time. I know it's over. I'm going to die. _Silver light thwarted the corner of Jane's vision. Her heart pulsed so loudly she could feel the blood current through her chest and into her veins. The air thickened in her throat so that each breath painfully resisted her lungs. _You're alive Jane. You're alive. You're fine. _It's what she told herself on Akuze, on the Citadel. It's what brought her back after every battle. _I'm not in space waiting to die. I'm in this room, with Thane and Garrus._

"Commander?" Thane was standing in front of Shepard. He extended his hand towards her.

It was then that she noticed she was on the ground. Her legs must have buckled. Shepard scowled, ashamed she was prostrated on the ground like a wounded animal. She pushed herself up and turned from Thane. Clearing her throat, she regained her senses. Her demeanor shifted, as though a shadow passed over her expression to veil her cavernous emotions. She was firm again, cold. "What are you both waiting around for? Lets move out."

* * *

><p><em><strong>(Citadel: Docking Bay)<strong>_

Garrus and Thane trailed behind Shepard as she approached the Normandy in the docking bay. It was silent aside from the advertisements and the drumming of their footsteps on the hard floor.

Garrus spoke before Shepard could open the hatch. "Thank you Shepard. " he sighed. "We made the right decision sparing Sidonis."

Shepard swirled around to face her friend. "I'm here for you Garre. " She rocked back on her heels and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"I let my feelings get in the way. It won't happen again Shepard." He nodded and entered the Normandy without them.

Shepard faced Thane, "I think I owe a thanks as well." She rubbed the back of her neck " I lost focus for a moment. I never do that on the field, but I did today. You saved my rear Krios. Thanks"

He shook his head. "I don't deserve merit Shepard. I have sworn to protect you, and will do so until… until I cannot any longer." He bowed his head respectfully.

Shepard dipped her head to mirror his gesture; she knew he meant, he meant to say, "Until I die." She continued, "I appreciate the sacrifice you are making to join this mission. I'm still unsure why you joined so hastily, or why this is important to you. Few aliens are bothered over missing humans these days… especially after what happened to the council…"

Thane shifted. "This mission means more to me then you understand." She was still ignorant of what she had done for him on Illium. He decided he would tell her later. He wasn't throwing his life away; He owed his life to Shepard.

Jane shook her head. "Really? Thane. You're very… interesting," she divulged. She quickly refurbished her words. "I mean, I can't figure you out. Your mannerisms are… strange."

"I take it you haven't met many Drell Commander." He swayed his left hand in the air and cocked his head.

"No I haven't." The commander crossed her arms. "Do you truly believe my soul, and not yours will be punished for every life you take?"

Thane shook his head. "N…No. I don't believe you are being punished. You are very awake commander. You are very… slow to take life."

"Then who is being punished?" She prodded.

'You worry yourself with questions you can't answer. Are you familiar with Ecclesiastes? "All is vanity and grasping for the wind."'

He was talking to her in parables. "What does that mean?"

"Meditate on it." Thane closed his eyes and folded his hands behind his back.

Shepard uncrossed her arms. Why was he so difficult? Why couldn't she figure him out? "Ok Thane. I was just trying to make conversation. "

Thane smiled as though the universe whispered a joke exclusively in his ear. "I will enlighten you. It is just that some things cannot be explained; they must be experienced. "

"How do you find these experiences?" Shepard's narrowed her eyes, trying to disguise her interest. She was fascinated with him. The way he moved, the way he killed. She envied his stillness. Did he have nightmares he couldn't suppress as she did? Or was he truly at peace?

"I believe they find you." Thane nodded his head towards the commander. "For instance. Few people have been through what you have. You survived Illois, the attack on the Citadel, even death. You must have learned some valuable lessons along the way."

Shepard shook her head. It seemed just the opposite. "I don't know about that Krios. I did what I did because I had to. I haven't had time to process the events or make philosophical conclusions about the nature of the universe."

Thane understood. "I didn't mean to imply solitude and introspection were the only means to enlightenment. " Shepard had discovered her own truths through her recklessness and destruction. Military strength had been honed in her, as the skills to take life had been honed in Thane. Thane observed she handled her power carefully, consciously. This was a reflection of a different line of discipline and self-control.

Shepard nodded. "So knowledge is gained by life altering experiences?"

"By life altering experiences, daily occurrences, nature, relationships, love."

Jane absorbed his words. "And how do the Drell deal with loss?" She meant to say, "How do you deal with loss?"

"Well," he laced his hands behind his back. "We are taught to release what is lost, knowing it will return to us in the next life."

"Do you?" She looked up at him.

"What do you mean?" He cocked his head.

"Do you release the things that you've lost Thane?" She hung on his answer.

He inhaled a beat. "I still hold on to some things."

Shepard knew she had asked something very personal of him. She quickly redirected the conversation. "It is surprising how little I know of your culture." She paced as she struggled to form her words appropriately. She wanted to express her interest in him in a way that was appropriate. "And yet it is more fascinating then Krogan war history or Asari politics."

"That is not surprising commander. We are a minority, and our culture is blending with the Hanar now. I doubt human history books cover many ancient Drell philosophies or customs."

"No. I learned nothing about Drell when I was in school, and I was a spacer. Spent my whole life in military space stations filled plenty of aliens. But I never met a Drell. I've seen Drell, but never met one. "

Thane's brow plate creased. He knew very little about the commander. The thought of her growing up in military schools seemed fitting. He wondered how young she was when she first held a gun. If killing had simply been part of her life from childhood as it had been in his. They had more in common then he realized.

"I would be happy to give you another history lesson if you have the time." He motioned for the commander to enter the Normandy. "But first, shall we?"

They both entered the ship. The air lock closed behind them. "Welcome back Shepard." EDI announced. "Decontaminating air lock."

They stood side by side as they waited for the decontamination to finish. Shepard kept her eyes forward, "You earned my trust today Thane. That isn't an easy thing to do."

Thane folded his hands, "I will do my best to not loose it Commander."

"This isn't a military ship Krios. Friends refer to me as Shep or Jane." She turned to face him.

He faced her as well. "Jane…" his rugged voice pulled at her unfamiliar name lightly, testing the sound of her on his lips.

This was the first moment their eyes exchanged what Thane would later call "a dance." Their gaze locked, and suddenly their thoughts were being exchanged through their eyes. Shepard's emotions shuffled across Thane's vision before dipping away. A hope at trust flirted and twirled behind her eyes. He felt his eyes convey the same- trust.

The air lock opened. "The air lock is ajar." EDI informed.

Joker grumbled. "I know EDI! I can hear it opening from here!"

Their gaze broke. Shepard realized she had forgotten to breathe. She steadied her lungs and turned her focus to the cabin.

"You ok in there Joker?" Shepard stepped into the cabin where Joker was attempting to swat at EDI's hologram with a data pad.

"No!" he growled.

Thane shadowed Shepard. "I don't believe swatting at her hologram is proving effective."

He growled. "You don't have to deal with her all damn day."

Jane chuckled. "You know she only does it to bother you right? She's discovered what makes you tick and now she's using it against you."

"Not a difficult task. Joker is bothered by all of my functions, namely the informative ones." EDI popped up and then disappeared.

"That's hilarious." Jane chuckled.

"Yea Jane I find it so very funny." Joker scrunched his nose as Shepard turned her back to him.

Jane headed for the elevator with the assassin at her heals. They both ventured to Life Support, where they chatted and shared for hours. He told her about growing up with the Hanar- the nature of their soul names. He spoke about his gods and Drell religion. Shepard devoured his words until she noticed their conversation had carried itself to an untimely hour.

She rose from her chair. "I should go. I didn't realize how late it was."

Thane gazed up at her. "It was a pleasure commander."

She smiled dumbly as she walked backwards to the door. "I'll come back later. Maybe you can show me how to meditate? I'll try to sit still long enough…"

He hid his smile behind his folded hands. "Teaching you to meditate would be like grasping for the wind. "

The commander paused. "So Grasping for the wind is a good thing?"

"No commander. I don't believe it is." He only smiled.

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. "Oh. I think I understand what you meant. You meant it would be difficult because of my wild nature."

"Yes commander." Thane let a half-laugh escape his lips.

"So I figured out the riddle?" She was still very confused.

"Not quite. But you're getting close." Thane remarked.

She stood there with her hand resting on her hip for a moment, processing. Thane found it oddly adorable.

"Goodnight commander." He politely reminded her she was on her way out the door.

"Oh. Goodnight Thane. See you tomorrow." She stepped into the dark hallway and flashed Thane a friendly wink as the door closed in front of her.

Jane shuffled to the elevator and pressed the button for deck one. As soon as it landed she leapt down the stairs and collapsed on her bed.

"Grasping for the wind… grasping for the wind. Am I the wind? What is the wind?" She drifted to sleep trying to piece together Thanes words.

It wasn't long before she drifted into the same nightmare that claimed her every night. _Flames hiss and coil around the twisting alloy. It utters an abhorrent scream as it crumbles. The explosion rips at my ears and I'm thrown backwards. "Steady yourself. Survey your environment. Find a way to survive." It's my training talking. But I know there is no way out. Not this time. I know it's over. I'm going to die. I can't breath. The air drains from my helmet as an unbearable heat spreads over my skin. Suddenly I'm no longer in space, but swimming in an ocean. I feel two pairs of hands lift me out of the water. I can breath. It's Thane. He pulls me to the shore and holds me in his arms. "Wake up." He whispers it again and again in my ear. "Wake from your battle sleep." _


	3. Little Black Dress

_**(Aite Dessert, after suicide mission)**_

"What are you up to?" Shepard coiled her arms around Thane's neck and hummed against his lips.

Thane stood in front of the terminal on his desk. It was still recording his message. "I was about to ask you the same Siha. " He needed a distraction. He hastily crushed his lips against hers and closed the terminal behind them. As he steered her towards the bed with her waist in his hands he glanced behind to make sure it had stopped recording.

"Thane? Whaa.. what are you doing?"

"What does it look like Siha?" He lowered them both onto the bed. Thane realized he was kissing still lips. He lifted his head to meet hers. "What is wrong Siha?"

She sat up. "I'm sorry. The meeting. It didn't go well. The council is being a pain in the ass!" She shook her fist, which Thane realized was bloody. He caught it.

"What is this Siha?"

"Oh. About that."

"Siha...?"

"Udina needed some persuading."

"Was this before or after the meeting?"

"After. Don't worry I didn't punch him in front of the council. " She shook her head. "My entire race is on the brink of extinction and no one seems to give a damn! I can't take down the reapers without allies."

Thane embraced Shepard. She met his hug, letting her head fall on his shoulder. "My protector, trying to protect the entire galaxy is a heavy task." He consoled her.

She sighed as her kissed her hair. "I just need to forget about this for a while. Until I can form a new plan."

"I agree."

"As we were then?" Jane lowered him on his back. She captured his bottom lip and traced it with her tongue. "Can you recall the first time we made love?"

He slipped into the memory. "Her hand brushes against my chest, sighing in my ear before seizing my lips. I cradle against her….whisper her name….

Shepard giggled menacingly as she stopped him with her lips.

"Why must you torture me Shepard?"

"Because I can."

* * *

><p><em><strong>(Normandy: Before Suicide Mission)<strong>_

Jane was thankful she chose to search the extranet in the privacy of her room. Forgetting to specify her web search had produced discomforting results. She had simply typed, "Drell" in the web search bar, and the thumbnails above the display were not something she would be proud of viewing openly. The commander quickly edited the search bar, typing in "Drell customs and history," before an ad reading "click for more" could display the entire image of a nude female human entwined with a male Drell.

"Oh God oh God Load already!" Jane could feel sweat forming on the back of her neck. The image loaded before the page refreshed. She didn't look away.

She gasped and clamped her hands over her eyes. "Oh God. I'm a pervert."

She peaked through her fingers. "Holy…. Wow…"

The door opened. Shepard slammed her terminal down and jumped out of her chair. The doorway was empty. Agonizing moments passed before Kasumi paced through the door.

"Shepard. There you are!" Kasumi halted in front of Shepard's desk as the commander's face drained of color. "Shepard?... are you ok?"

"Um… yes." She sat back down. "I'm fine. I just ate something that didn't agree with me. You know how Gardner is in that kitchen."

"Should we wait a bit before heading to Bekenstein?" Kasumi rested her hand on her hip.

"No. I'll be fine. Really."

"If you say so. Maybe you should freshen up. You are headed to a party after all. " Kasumi grinned. She was holding something behind her back.

Jane gathered her breath and her composure. "What do you have there?"

Kasumi revealed the tiny piece of black fabric she had been concealing behind her back. A dress.

"Oh. You're going to wear that to the party?" It wasn't Shepard's personal taste. Something so tight and low cut would be more suited for a woman such as Miranda, who had no problem highlighting her assets.

"No Shep. It's for you. Hock won't be able to keep his eyes off you in this getup."

Shepard raised a brow. "Really? Am entering this party as the stripper?"

"Oh common Shepard. Try it on. I'm dying to see you in a dress." Kasumi let the abomination fall in her lap.

"No way." Jane folded her arms, scowling at her new friend.

"Do you have something else to wear commander?"

Jane motioned at the Cerberus uniform she was already wearing.

Kasumi sighed. She bent down to bring her dark eyes close to Shepard's and gripped her commander's shoulders. "Shepard let me put this in a way you'll understand. If you don't wear this dress I will tell the Drell about your fascination with his anatomy."

Shepard's face heated up. "Ha… how?"

"I new cloaking would come in handy for this mission."

"But I saw you walk through the door."

"I am a good cloaker commander. I wasn't trying to spy on you. I was actually planning to sneak up on you," she crawled up Shepard's shoulder playfully with her small fingers like spider legs. Shepard flinched as she brushed a ticklish spot on her neck. "But when I saw what you were up to, I decided to turn back around so you wouldn't be embarrassed." Kasumi flashed her friend a mock pout. "Guess it's too late for that hu?"

Shepard snatched the dress off her lap and stomped into the bathroom, peeling around her shoulder to growl at her friend. "I'll get you back for this Kasumi."

The bathroom door closed on her wild expression. Kasumi settled into Shepard's chair and plopped her feet on the desk. "I didn't take you as a woman with an alien fetish. But I can see why you're interested Shep, Thane has a certain mystery about him that could draw a dangerous woman like you in. And those black eyes, Have you noticed how those eyes are always on you commander? I bet when he sees you in that dress…"

Shepard pushed her crew member's feet off her desk. Kasumi turned to view her.

"Wow Shepard. I have good taste. "

"Ye won believe this assassin! Shepard is warin a dress, lookin like a rea lass! And it hugs er in all the righ places if ye know wha I mean! Wha are ya doin stawndin ther assassin? Get arf yer ass!" Kenneth was lit up like a Christmas tree as he and three male crewmembers stormed through Thane's door. They had been spreading the good news throughout the crew deck.

The assassin was curious about ruckus that had been forming outside his quarters for the last half hour. Whistles and shouts could be heard coming from the hallway.

"Keep whistling boys and you'll loose some teeth. Or a limb depending on how close you're standing." Shepard's commanding voice silenced a few of the boys. Thane grinned. He was curious to see how Shepard carried herself in a dress and heels but he had enough composure to restrain himself.

"No thank you. I believe she's receiving enough harassment as it is."

"What? You are doing no harm by looking!" One of the crewmembers exclaimed before grabbing his arm. Thane sighed as the four men escorted him out the door.

He joined the line of male crew packed in the small hallway.

"Let us through dammit!" Thane could hear Shepard trying to shove her way to the elevator from the observatory.

"You heard her." Jacob jumped toward Shepard in desperation, shoving men out of the way.

The crowd parted. Shepard stepped forward, stopping in front of Thane. "Thane?" a shiny black fabric leaving little to the imagination clung to her small, muscular form. Her legs were exposed, and so was the peak of her chest. She was even wearing makeup.

"Jane." Thane shrugged off the crewmembers grip and bowed. "I must say you look breathtaking this evening. I hope your men aren't troubling you over your attire."

He knew enough about humans to understand what the red color forming in her cheeks meant. If Drell had a similar physical response to heightened emotion he would be showing as well.

"Thank you Thane. At least someone on this ship has manners. "

Jacob looked down. Obviously the Commander hadn't noticed _his_ manners. He snapped back up. "What are _you _up to Assassin? You rarely come out of your hole!"

Thane pushed past Jacob and headed towards the dining area. "I must eat some time Mr. Taylor."

Jacob clenched his fist. "hmmph. I've got my eye on you Krios!" He shouted at Thane.

Thane grinned. Despite Jacob's good looks, he had no skill with women. The way he was throwing himself at Shepard was only feeding her disapproval of him. The assassin knew women, knew how their minds worked. He had executed several powerful females in his profession. It was his job to discover every being's weaknesses, and he already knew at least five of Shepard's. He could form a strategy for approaching her just as he would a target. She would appreciate subtlety, a slow building of suggestive words in progression, or a slight touch on the neck or cheek before drawing back. Thane knew he could have Shepard in a matter of days. But he respected her too much to use her. No he wouldn't start anything with her. If he could just stay composed and focus on his self control.

_The crowd parts. Her blue eyes ignite as she sees me, her lips part and she says my name. "Thane." Black leather traces the fall and rise of her chest. Delicate curves lined by tight fabric. Her cheeks are colored as she watches my gaze linger. _

This memory was going to be a difficult one to submerge. The way her form lit up under the scrutiny of his staring, her cheeks and her lips like a deep fire. Thane couldn't deny the possibility Shepard was developing feelings for him. And even worse, he was forming feelings for her as well. He couldn't restrain himself from admiring everything about this woman. From the way she killed- like an all powerful and fearsome goddess, to how she talked- each of her words carefully placed and measured to cool the most tensed atmospheres. He was even beginning to love the way she looked, even though her form was so alien to him. What if she cared for him? She was the only friend he had gained in years, and she'd woken him from his battle sleep. She had saved him- both body and soul, and he owed her everything for it. But he was dying, and they were pinned against suicidal odds. Caring for Shepard only made the sting of his mortality stronger. She would loose him- just as he lost Irakah. He couldn't put her through that.

The thought seemed to wedge between his ribs. Thane steadied his breath. He didn't want to be angry at the gods for giving him happiness. But he was. The best things in his life always floated in front of him before they were carried away.


	4. The Beginning of the End

"_**The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation." –Kate Chopin**_

* * *

><p>"BULL SH…."<p>

"Are you sure about that Shep?" Garrus' eyes darted, his black sclera shifting nervously between the commander and the two cards fanned between his three appendages.

Shepard's crew was packed around the dining hall table, attempting to ease pre-battle tension with a game of B.S. The Normandy was progressing towards a disabled collector vessel in the Korlus system- supposedly shut down by a Turian fleet. It was an evident trap, but Shepard embraced the suicidal task with a smug recklessness. After all, her optimism humored the crew and cut tension. Even though fear was fizzing in the back of her head, Shepard had a wry grin plated across her contrived expression

The commander tilted back in the plastic chair. "You're a terrible bluff Garre," she commented darkly.

Grunt cackled. "I like this human game. Battlemaster is ruthless."

"Show them Garrus." Jane raised a brow.

Garrus slumped in defeat over the fat deck. He slid the first two cards over meticulously: a two and a five.

"How did you know?" He whimpered.

"Luck Garrus. Luck is always on my side." She mused.

"You haven't learned that by now Garrus?" Miranda shook her head. "The commander manages to place us in suicidal situations daily, and yet her brash actions always pull us out. If that's not fortune I don't know what is."

Garrus chuckled. "Yes. That's right. How did you turn that mech on Omega hostile again commander?"

Jane coughed. "I pulled a couple wires. Turned out nicely didn't it?"

Jacob's eyes widened, "So you just wing it out there?"

"Not exactly. Some missions just call for a little improvising." She wrapped her fingers around an imaginary neck." You just have to get a little creative." She squeezed and let her tongue fall out of her mouth.

Jacob looked nauseous.

Zaeed snickered.

"Where's Krios? I thought I asked someone to invite him." Shepard eyed Jacob.

"Oh…" Jacob avoided the commander's gaze. "He said he had something to do."

"You didn't invite him did you Jacob?" Shepard's eyes were suddenly aflame.

Jacob managed to flinch. "It may have slipped my mind."

An expression crossed the commander's face that caused a stir of discomfort across the table. Even Grunt lowered his eyes.

"Well then. I believe this crew needs a lesson in hospitality." She turned her back to the dining area. The whole table seemed to sigh in relief as she marched out of sight.

"She won't be back any time soon…" Kasumi hummed.

"No I suppose not." Zaeed let out a rugged laugh. "The commander is glued to that assassin" a grin creased his scarred cheek. "I don't know what it is with woman and Drell. That reminds me of this mission a while back… "

Garrus sighed. "Here we go…"

"Just listen Archangel. You might learn something." He continued. " So this Hanar hired me to take out this Eclipse ring that was black marketing his goods. He sent his Drell assistant with me- nice kid, young, charismatic. When we arrived to the base the kid worked his way to the cargo without a single weapon. You want to know how the lucky son of a bitch did it?" Zaeed crossed his arms. "He introduced himself to the female guard at the door, leaned in real close, and whispered something in her ear that made her let us through. When we took out the base she and two Asari left with him." He snorted.

"Damn." Jack raised her brow.

"What is it about Drell that's so fascinating?" Jacob murmured.

"They're mysterious and sexy." Kelly grinned. "The way they move, those eyes. And their build… it's very similar to human men."

"Have you been with a Drell Kelly?" Kasumi elbowed her.

Kelly looked down at her cards. "Not yet."

"Ah species Kelleh asn't knocked boots with ye? Tha is suprisin." Kenneth snorted before Gaby smacked him upside the head. "Ow!"

"Rarity of Drell stimulating? Mysterious? Similarity of Human and Drell anatomy. Causes interspecies attraction…" Mordin inhaled trough his nose. "Fascinating."

"Slow down their buddy. I don't think the commander would take to liking your experiments on her personal life." Garrus chuckled.

"Ah. Not experiments. Observation. Ask questions first. First step of Scientific method. Experiments later. Too busy with Collector research. Query Drell human relations another time." Mordin nodded to himself.

Kasumi giggled. "I haven't the slightest idea what your saying half the time Moridn. But it's really cute. You know what else is cute? Thane and Jane's names rhyme!" Kasumi leaned into her fist. "Like a poem."

"What the hell did Shepard sign me up for? The mother fucking love boat?" Jack groaned.

Garrus cleared his throat. "Another round then?"

"You deal…" Miranda eyed Garrus' three fingers. "On second thought I'll deal."

* * *

><p>Shepard reached Life Support and gave the door a slight tap before marching in.<p>

"Do you need something?" Thane was seated in his usual spot at his desk with his back towards her.

"The crew and I are playing a card game. Are you interested?"

He leaned over his shoulder. "No thank you. We will be at the collector base shortly. I desire to meditate."

Shepard plopped into the opposite chair. "I was growing tired of winning every round anyways. May I join you?" It was more of a statement then a question.

"Very well." He closed his eyes.

Shepard drummed her fingers across the glossy desk. The plastic and metal made a soft clink. She studied Thane, admiring the tranquility of his ashen lids, the firmness of his folded hands. His expression was very human- yet incredibly alien. At first glance she could isolate his alien features- his mossy green skin, the silvery color that reflected from his scales. Indeed these traits were wholly foreign to her. The most notable difference between him and human men however, were the red scales that ran along his neck. The way the scales receded and reddened appeared almost painful, as though a chunk of his skin had been pulled back. Shepard knew this was a human impulse- to associate red skin coloration with an injury or abnormality. Not all species blood ran red. But her paradigms of beauty were shifting. She had begun to admire how his marble eyes would narrow and widen to express his immense emotions, or how his thick lips would part slowly…gently before he spoke. Yes, his lips were of particular interest to her. Jane wondered if they felt smooth…

"Closing your eyes will be helpful." Thane advised, still motionless.

Shepard continued to stare. "How do you know they are open?"

His eyelids pulled back so his black eyes could catch hers. "I had a feeling wild one."

Shepard hoped his eyes wouldn't leave her. His gaze was firm, locking her in place. "Is that my new nickname?" She smirked.

"Until I find one more suitable." He exhaled.

"Well." Shepard pushed her heels against the floor, rocking her chair closer to Thane. "I'm not good with this sort of thing. How do I start?"

"First you must close your eyes. It will help you distinguish the seen from the unseen."

She obeyed. "Hmm… seen from unseen… right."

"Make yourself comfortable."

Jane shifted in her chair.

"Focus on your breath. Feel the room enter your lungs. Feel the floor under your feet, the table in your hands."

Jane concentrated on the chilled air stirring above her skin, finding reassurance in her breath. The sluggish rise and fall of her lungs against her chest reminded her she was still alive.

"Now listen. What do you hear?" his voice was soothing… beckoning.

"Hmm… I hear the drive core pulsing."

"What do you hear in yourself? What thoughts are surfacing?" She could picture him cocking his head at his inquiry.

Jane waited. "I'm thinking about my breath, how I don't want to stop breathing." How long had it been since she was able to close her eyes without seeing the visions of the past? It felt wonderful.

"Enjoy your breath. Enjoy your form. Remind yourself it is connected to your soul."

"Hmmm… soul, form… I'm not quite sure how to do that."

"You must listen Jane. Enjoy the silence, it is a great instructor."

Jane let the silence bathe her. She reviewed her military career; the opportunities and loss all those years of service gave her. The commander tried to imagine letting the memories go, the memories of Ashley, of Kaiden. _Kaiden… _"

_You and I. We… are important right now. And this is what will never happen again… us," _those were the words he spoke the first night they spent true those words now seemed. _This will never happen again. _Did he still blame Ashley's death on their short-lived relationship?

And then there was Akuze… fifty alliance soldiers dead. And the council, Shepard doubted the galaxy would ever forgive her for that sacrifice. And this memory. _Flames hissing and coiling…twisting of metal. I'm thrown backwards._ _My lungs burn, my skin curls under unbearable heat. _Shepard felt as though the floor had been pulled from beneath her. He stomach turned. _Breathe breathe. Your alive, it's just a memory._

"Jane are you alright?" She was gasping for air.

He hurried to her side. "Breathe Jane."

She crumbled. "I'm fine!" She stood and turned from him, ashamed.

"Jane… " He placed a hand on her shoulder. She stiffened.

"What is wrong?" He gently gripped both of her shoulders, steering her around. She hesitated at first, wrenching from his grasp, but then softened as he turned her to face him.

Her face was drained of color. She was breathing now- ragged, quick breaths. "A memory resurfaced." She admitted. "At least, that's what I believe it is. Yes, a memory I would rather not relive."

Jane gathered the strength to look at Thane again, however frightened she was of being vulnerable to his scrutiny. The look in his eyes was unexpected; it stole the little breath that was left in her lungs. Concern. His brow was furrowed in concern, his grip on her shoulders tightened. "Jane…"

"I can't imagine what it must be like for you. You never forget anything. In a few years, if I'm around that long, the memories will fade. They aren't crippling. I can manage. They are just unsettling." She lowered her head. "Who am I kidding? Yes they are crippling. I have this new body. I'm healthier, stronger, but I…"

He wanted to cup her face in his hands, but decided against it.

"I…I'm so confused." Her fists clenched.

Had his face gotten closer to hers? Shepard could feel her cyberneticly enhanced heartbeat thud wildly in her chest.

"Are you frightened?" He blinked twice.

"No…" She gathered her thoughts. "…Yes."

"So am I." He admitted- his Drell voice pitched as if in song.

"I don't know what I am afraid of." Shepard breathed in Thane's scent. It was musty, like pine.

"Failing perhaps?"

His black eyes were so soft, so gentle. They captured the artificial light like two black pearls.

"Perhaps…Perhaps I'm afraid of dying again before I get a chance to complete this mission." She quickly averted her gaze. "I can't believe I'm telling you this. I'm usually more guarded."

Thane admired the flush spreading over Jane's cheeks. "I enjoy listening Jane."

"I haven't trusted anyone enough to share." She loosened under Thane's grip. "But I." She swallowed, a wave of black hair pooled over her eyes. Thane caught the strand before he could stop himself.

_It did feel like silk. _Thane accidently brushed his fingertips across her cheek before he meticulously curved the hair behind her ear. The skin of her cheek was unlike anything his hands had ever grazed. The skin was so velvety and warm Thane was frightened his scaled fingers would pierce its fragility.

Jane caught Thane's hand, momentarily stunning him. She sandwiched his hand in her warm palm. "I trust you Thane. Implicitly. More then I should."

_Arashu. _ _Am I breathing? _

"Thane. There's something I need to tell you."

"_I need to tell him." _Jane thought. _"I must tell him I'm developing feelings before my feelings get out of control. He will tell me it's absurd, that we are too different, that we need to focus on the mission. Then I can put this behind me. I'm too young I'm too wild. It won't work. We're different species for Gods sake! And he…He's dying. It will never work. We can't do this. Thane tell me we can't do this." _

He could feel her breath on his cheek. "Yes Jane?" He managed to speak.

"Stop me if I'm making you feel uncomfortable" Her chest was rising and falling rapidly. His eyes only lingered there for a moment. _Please. I beg you. Tell me to stop._

"I…" He knew where this was going, and he knew he should tell her to stop. But he couldn't.

Her face was inches from his. "Don't leave my side on this mission, on any mission."

He wanted nothing less. "I promise."

She looked into his eyes daringly. "I want to tell you that I feel…"

"Jane?"

His lungs rattled.

"I feel…"

He inhaled her sweet scent; buttery earth flowers stung his nose. _I feel for you as well. I've been possessed with you since Illium. _

"Jane…"

"Sorry to interrupt commander. We're approaching the collector vessel." Joker's voice pierced through the intercom.

Shepard grimaced. _Dammit Joker not again!_

"You should go." Thane uttered weakly. He took a step back. "We will continue this conversation after the mission?"

Jane swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yes."

"I will look forward to it." Thane straightened then dipped his head respectfully as Shepard backed through the door; grateful he had time to compose himself before her confession.

Could he allow himself this happiness? Was it fair that the gods had sent him an angel after all he had done? Thane thought himself dammed, yet Arashu took pity on him?

_Arashu, goddess of motherhood and protection, send your messenger Siha to Shepard's aid. Shelter her beneath your wing, direct her every move._

* * *

><p><strong>Note: Please remember to review. I noticed some of you have subscribed but haven't offered feedback. I really enjoy reading your opinions and critic. I have taken everything I've read into careful consideration and hope the next chapters will be more rich and improved for your reading pleasure. :) <strong>


	5. Just a Kiss

(Collector Ship)

In Commander Shepard's twelve years as an alliance soldier, she'd witnessed macabre sights that would ruin the average man. She'd seen men and women carrying their own severed arms and legs from battle, bodies twisted and mutilated so severely they barely seemed human. She'd witnessed men pulped into liquid beneath the weight of a thresher maw, and men transform into husks as spikes sliced through their gut. All these years Shepard remained too sullied by death to be moved by it.

….Yet…. Something was pulling at her now. Jane felt a fizzy sensation itching the back of her skull as she ventured through the collector vessel. The sensation was comparable to the feeling of waking from a prolonged dream. She couldn't understand what she saw, her mind was still was racing to fall in step with her vision.

Sticky, yellow pods- yellow and red like an infected sore- seeped around the ceiling and floor. The silhouettes of humans filled these husks. Naked corpses coated the ground. Some were mangled… had chunks missing. Shepard passed a man with no eyes; his hands were missing as well. A thumb, a finger here and there, a bloody scalp still attached to some brains in the corner. Then... a hand. A small hand…

_Soldier. You're gonna see things that make you piss scared. I can fucking guarantee that pretty face of yours is gonna shed some tears over what you see on that field. But keep moving. Don't get soft. Keep moving. _It was her training talking again. _Keep moving. Keep all your senses alert. Keep your hand around your weapon and your eyes on the lookout. The mission comes first, your humanity second. DO YOU HEAR ME MARINE? OR DO I NEED TO SHOUT ALL FUCKING DAY! _

_YES SIR! _

The hand was still attached to a child… _a child._

_Nooo…._

Jane kneeled beside the corpses where the child lay. The young girl was slumped beneath the heap – her lower half completely flattened under the weight of the dead. The torso was mostly intact, but badly bruised and decaying. Her right hand was still extended- frozen in air with the tiny fingers clawing for something. For help- she had been reaching for help.

Shepard caught the lump in her throat. This girl was young enough to be her own daughter.

The child's face was round and plump, with a cherry nose, thin lips, and hazel eyes. Those eyelids were pulled back, and her lips were crooked in a silent scream.

Shepard observed contusions lined her thin powdery wrists and her lovely caramel skin was fading to black around thick, talon-shaped bruises. The child had been dragged, but there were no signs of struggle. No lacerations other then the scarring on the wrists – the swarms must have been potent, or she had been too frightened to attempt to fight back.

"Why would they abduct a child? The poor soul…" Thane's voice was labored. Shepard felt him and Garrus make their way to her side.

"The reapers have no appreciation for life. They don't care what they kill, or why. They're only concerned with furthering their own needs." Jane kept her eyes on the girl.

'We organics are just an accident, the 'mistake of evolution."' Garrus growled.

Jane swept her fingers over the child's eyelids to close them. She could hear Thane sigh a short prayer behind her.

She needed to leave this place as soon as possible.

"Let's move on." Shepard commanded as she steadied her ankles to pivot herself back on her feet. Thane offered his hand, which Jane took gratefully. She slid her fingers into his palm and allowed him to lift her to feet, and with a gentle shove she was up.

Shepard searched for any sign of an expression behind Thane's mask. She wondered if the same frustration was burning in Thane's eye that was igniting her own. She couldn't detect his eyes behind the red lenses, but she almost felt him silently encouraging her.

They didn't allow the moment to linger. Quickly, before the situation could grow intimate, they both dropped their hands and stepped apart.

"Thank you Thane." Jane turned from him.

"Commander." His voice was dark.

They continued through the hive. The pods were endless. There were hundreds… thousands.

…. The realization hit them all at once….

… The numbers, the abductions…

"Well. I suppose we should of expected this." Thane rasped.

"They could take every human in the Terminus Systems and have pods left over." Garrus added.

_My God… _

"Shepard, they're going to target earth." The assassin was at Jane's side.

She didn't wait to reply. "Not if we stop them."

* * *

><p>(The Normandy)<p>

"Shepard?" Garrus called for the commander as she exploded from the shuttle and broke into a furious half run through the cargo hold.

"Not now Garrus." Jane pushed by as though a tongue of fire was licking her bones. She could feel the recoil of each step against the metal flooring as hot blood simmered through her skull.

"Shepard!" He called again.

The commander's small legs were no match for her Turian friend. Garrus' caught up to her in a few strides. His hand landed on her shoulder pad with a slight "whap," gluing Jane's feet to the floor.

"Commander… wait…" Garrus continued, wishing he possessed some words that might console her, but his tongue was frozen. There were no words…

_Dammit…. After all she's done for me. I have nothing to say. _

Jane's heartbeat drummed wildly in her ear. Her side vision glowed with fine crystals of light that illuminated before fading to black.

Before he could react, Jane spun around, the force sent Garrus' hand flying from her shoulder.

"What!" She was yelling. "What do you….?" Her voice broke into a moan. She crumbled, bent at the knees, and heaved. The room was spinning.

"Jane. Are you well?" Thane hurried to her other side.

"Just give me a moment." She sighed.

Garrus slowly shuffled closer and rested his large hand on her head, a gesture he would often approach his younger sister Solana with. His talons nearly enveloped her tiny skull. "Shep. We did everything we could. The collectors were too fast." He was coaxing himself as well as her. "It's not your fault those people are dead."

"I know," her voice boiled. "But it is still unacceptable."

She rose…slowly…measured, her body tensing beneath her armor. A light gleamed in her eye for a moment, giving the allusion of a tongue of flame hissing under the blue.

… Was Thane seeing an allusion or did she resemble…

The memory came before he could finish the though.

_A book?" I stare at the tattered volume. Brown pages ruffle at the edges; the smell of dust and mold hits my nose. "A very special book. It belonged to your grandfather." My father offers it to me. I carefully accept the gift -Cling the dusty memento to my small frame. "Open it." My father urges. I carefully obey- curl a finger to push some pages aside. It flips open- a colorful illustration dots the faded page: Arashu's most faithful guardian- Siha. Fierce in wrath, a tenacious protector._

Jane continued. "No more colonies will be abducted. No more."

"_Fierce in wrath, a tenacious protector."_

_Siha…_That was it. She was an angel. Arashu herself had sent him a messenger. She was Siha incarnate, or at least the closest thing to an angel he would encounter in this lifetime.

"I'm with you Commander." Garrus nodded.

"And I…" Thane dipped his head slightly without moving his eyes from her.

Jane nodded. "Good." Her voice still steamed. "Then we need to prepare. I'm going to have a little _chat_ with the illusive man. Then…." She breathed. "Then it's our job to do everything we can to get ready for the collectors."

The commander pounded her fist into her hand and gripped her sore knuckles. "We are finding a way to get through that relay if it's the last thing we do." Her voice was so strong she could have told a mountain to throw itself over and it wouldn't dare disobey. "Garrus I want you to talk with Gabby and Kenneth, make sure the ship's upgrades are running smoothly. I'll hold a quick meeting in the crew deck to inform everyone of what we've discovered about the collectors and the Reapers."

"I'm on it." Garrus headed for engineering.

Shepard turned her attention to Thane. "Thane…"

She moved towards him, or he moved towards her. Either way, the space between them thinned and Jane soon had her hands wrapped around the Drell's waist. His chest became her scaled pillow,

On instinct, before he could stop himself, Thane began to lightly stroke Jane's hair. She muzzled against him, her eyelids pinched closed, her lips slowly parted.

"Thane…" The commander's words were heated.

"Si…" He almost called her Siha. "Yes Jane?"

They fit. Despite being different species, different personalities, Jane seemed to belong in his arms.

"…Don't die." She choked.

"I swear I won't die before it's my time." _Siha…_

She lifted her eyes. Hovering her lips above his cheek, she whispered in his ear buds, "Stay with me as long as you can." And her lips were on his skin. They were only there for a moment, briefly touching the scales of his cheek, but that moment seemed to hover for ages. Her skin was so warm. Fire spread throughout his body. He wanted to pull her close and crush her lips against his, to lace his hands in her hair and… The desire was so thick he felt he might collapse if he didn't give in. Quickly, Thane pulled away, fearful of his waning self-control.

"Jane… I."

"Excuse me." She stepped back.

Thane only blinked at her.

"I should go… There is a lot to do." She raked her hands through her hair and suppressed a yawn. "I don't suppose we could push back that confessional?"

Thane folded his arms behind his back. "Very well. You know where to find me Jane."

"I'll stop by Life Support later, unless you need to rest. Hmmm… That would probably be wise. You should sleep, recharge. " Her head ached when she mentioned rest.

"Excuse me for saying this, but I believe you should take your own advice commander."

She laughed lightly. "Oh. I don't know how to rest."

"Very well. I will be up if you need me."

And with that she left him.

Thane held the cheek her lips had touched. His scales still throbbed there. His whole body throbbed.

This feeling, this desire, it made him ache all over.

_I'm Dying. _

And yet he felt so alive. He felt the wetness of Jane's lips on his skin, the sound of her sighing his name. He could still smell the sweat and grime of battle stirring with the shampoo in her tangled black hair.

_Oh god I'm dying. _

The fear and realization finally hit him. It hadn't bothered him before. He had accepted his death, embraced it.

But now he had something to live for. He had something to make him feel alive.

His angel had woken him from his battle sleep. But he had so little time left.

* * *

><p>Just when Thane started to believe things couldn't get any worse. They had.<p>

The assassin paced the small block of flooring between the edge of his desk and his bunk, recalling the message he'd just read on his terminal.

_Thane. This is Faisal. I wish I could present this to you in a way that is less perturbing, but my latest news of your son is unfortunate. He is still living on the Citadel, spending a great deal of time at the dark star. C-Sec reports indicate he may be loosely connected to drug smuggling ring within the clubs vicinity. However, I fear this may not be the worst of it. It is too soon to form assumptions but my assistant Flint informed me that some of the company he has surrounded himself with have also been suspect of commissionings including prostitution, muggings, and even assassinations. Flint will keep an eye on him the next few days and I will gather all the information I can. Until then I suggest you decide how you wish to handle this. _

_ I'm sorry Thane. I wish I could deliver some pleasant news. I will do everything I can to help. I owe you my life after all. Just tell me what you wish for me to do. I could inform the authorities, but we both know the repercussions could be great._

_ For once I find myself unable to live up to my soulname. "Faisal the decisive," how unfortunate I am now at loss for words when you need me the most. _

_ You will hear from me soon Thane, _

_ -Faisal. _

"Arashu. What do I do now?" Thane ran his hands along the ridges of his skull, cursing himself in every tongue he could imagine.

"I'll need to speak with Shepard. What will I do if the message tomorrow informs me he's been hired as an assassin?" he processed aloud.

His wrongs were un-atonable. Surely the gods were punishing him for his many sins. He had taken life, by his own will he made men suffer, he made them linger. And now his son was about to do the same.

There were no prayers that could atone this evil.

This…. this memory…this nightmare of becoming a monster… it would haunt Kolyat, it would ruin him.

_The Batarian fumbles to the ground, screaming as he clenches his fingerless hand. Stench of blood steams from the green streaked walls. I kick his hand out of the way, stop the injured man from attending his wounds. He screams, begs for mercy. I reply with violence, crush his injured hand under my foot. Green liquid, cracking bones. He yelps. My voice is dark. "Where was your mercy for Irakah?" More blood flings as I wedge a blade underneath his shoulder blade. The screams are desperate now. I carve at the thick muscles under his severed bones. "Please please I beg you. Kill me just kill me." But I have no mercy. " I will remove your arms first. Or would you rather me remove your legs?"_

Thane sat on his bunk, feeling as though the wrath of the universe was weighing him down. If Shepard knew the monster he was before they met, would she be able to forgive him? Would he be able to forgive himself?

"You're still up Krios?"

Shepard stood in the center of the room, coffee mug in each hand. A black N7 hoody was zipped to the collar of her Cerberus uniform. He damp hair was clumped around her small face; the air vent stirred the scent of her shampoo in Thane's direction.

"It's been a long day hasn't it? I brought this for you." She offered him the mug in her left hand.

He rose quickly to accept the gift. "Thank you Shepard. That is thoughtful of you… May I ask what it is?" He would drink it regardless, but he prayed it wasn't coffee. The human beverage tasted like liquefied cigarettes, but Jane drank it incessantly

"Something I mixed up." She lied. Mordin had created it to sooth his throat and Gardner had added the necessary ingredients to make it palpable. She was just the delivery girl.

He pressed his lips to the mug and tilted the cup slightly, just enough to get a taste. The cold liquid pooled down his tongue, leaving a spiced trail down his mouth. He swallowed and a cool sensation filled his lungs. "Hmm…"

"How is it?"

"Wonderful. How… how did you manage to find villia root? It is a plant native to Rakhana."

She smiled, satisfied. "The Citadel. They grow a lot of strange things in the markets. It's all hydroponics or something like that, but similar enough."

"Thank you Shepard." He took another swig and leaned against his desk.

Shepard studied the Drell. He was wearing a loose black shirt instead of his usual jacket, the airy cotton hung loosely around his sculpted shoulders. A square of chest was exposed. Jane watched the green scales move for a moment. It comforted her to see him breath steadily. She counted the breaths… one.. two… The breathing slowed, his head lowered.

"Are you well Thane?"

"I'm well. No worse then ever." He smiled, it was a martyr smile, a "I'm going to be strong for you smile." She'd seen it on officer's faces before. She didn't like seeing it on Thane.

"Something is bothering you."

"Yes." He was distant.

"If you feel like sharing," She stood by his side, her shoulder brushing his. "I'm here for you Thane."

"I…" he began. "I've shared very little of the life I had before I met you." Jane could see this was difficult for him to admit. "I have regrets, not about my contracts, but there were some… instances."

"The last time we talked you started speaking about a past event as if you were watching it. Were you trying to tell me something then?"

He pushed himself from the desk "Yes." He set his mug on the desk and paced on an invisible line parallel to her. His movements were graceful and fluid. He seemed to be aware of each muscle in his legs when his foot connected and rose from the floor. "As I mentioned before, Drell have perfect memories. We can relive any moment in our lives with perfect clarity. It's difficult to control at times. Some of us disappear into… mmm, lets call it solipsism."

"What do you mean about solipsism?" She downed a swig of coffee.

"When a memory feels as real as life, it's as valid as life. Thinking about a moment brings back the smell of cut grass, the warmth of another's hand on yours, the taste of another's tongue in your mouth." He faced her. "Wouldn't you rather loose yourself in such a memory then spend the night alone staring at walls and plastic?"

Shepard felt herself heat up. "I… well. Isn't that a rather personal memory to talk about?"

He turned to follow the invisible line again. "Forgive me. Lately I have spent a great deal of time reviewing my life. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No. I just didn't expect it. You aren't usually that forward." She continued, "You can remember every assassination you've ever made?"

His eyes lit up. Jane could see his brow crease and soften, as though a stir of frustration and desire were warring there. The eyes glazed over for a moment as he relived one of his memories. When he surfaced, his eyes carried a new intensity. It was as though he wanted to grab her, to hold her, but was holding back. As though her presence made him _ache._ Jane's stomach flipped inside out. He'd never looked at her that way before.

He paused a foot from her. "In perfect detail. Every mistake I made. Every target's last breath."

"That sounds difficult. At any moment you could relive the guilt."

"Guilt?" He cocked his head. "No I've never felt any particular guilt about my contracts. My employers killed them. My body was only the tool they used. If you kill a man with your gun, do you hold the gun responsible?"

Shepard shook her head. "My gun can't decide right from wrong. You clearly do."

"My soul does, but my body is merely flesh. Flesh whose reflexes were honed to kill." He smiled. Despite their disagreement there was no tension in his words. "Drell minds are different from humans. We see our body as a vessel, and accept it is not always under our control.

Shepard found this all very difficult to understand. It was unlike Thane to lack compassion for his victims. "So you don't assume any responsibility for the things you do?"

"Not every action performed by my body is a result of conscious choices. I take responsibility for those that are. Humans often believe in a soul distinct from the body. A spirit responsible for moral reasoning that lives on after the body's death. Our belief is just a bit more literal."

Jane nodded. She didn't quite understand, but she could still hold respect for his words. "The last time you talked, you remembered one of your assassinations. Something about "sunset-colored" eyes?

"Ah. That time." The memory came, this one he shared. "Laser dot trembles on the skull. Spice on spring wind. Sunset eyes defiant in the scope." He came back to the present. "A bystander noticed my spotting laser, and threw herself between me and the target. She couldn't see me, but she stared me down."

"She sacrificed herself?"

Irakah, the thought of her alone brightened the room. "She was a vivid person."

"Did you take the shot?"

"N-not that day."

A silence followed. Jane could see the Assassin found it difficult to continue. "I should get back to my duties." She stretched, pushing her shoulders back. Her back made a satisfied "pop."

Thane moved an inch closer. "Shepard I appreciate these chats we have."

"You've spent a lot of time alone Thane." Another inch…

He almost sighed in relief. "Work fulfilled me. Reading. I barely spoke to anyone outside my family. It seems there will be no one to mourn me when I die. You're the only friend I've made in ten years."

'Friend' the word cut at Shepard in an unpleasant way.

"Friend hu?" She shrugged. "It's a start." Another inch…

"A start? That's..." he sighed a brief laugh. "Intriguing. Is that what you wished to tell me before?"

Shepard flashed a wry grin. "Yes." a half inch…

"I know we're very different. Hell we're from different planets. But I like you Thane. I'm not going to sit here and try to make googly eyes at you between missions. I like you. If you are uncomfortable with that then I will avoid you." God it felt so refreshing to finally say it.

"I…I don't wish for you to avoid me." That look again… like he was wrestling all sorts of demons.

"Good." They could feel each other's breath now.

"Does this weird you out….that…that I'm alien?" She nearly whispered.

"No." His voice was achingly delicate.

"It bothered me at first." She admitted.

"I… I have never met another being like you commander. I must admit I am intrigued."

"Intrigued? Good. Like I said it's a start. And I am a very patient woman."

Thane released an unapologetic laugh. Jane enjoyed the sound. Shepard? Patient? This he had to test. "Do you understand how many men on this ship, how many men in this galaxy have been praying for you to say those words to them? And you choose to tell it to me? Gods... Every day on this ship is growing more ironic."

"I'm going to take that as flattery Krios." Her grin widened.

"I must watch what I say then." He replied.

"Oh? I believe you've made a fair share of passes at me as well. Perhaps I misread you? I thought you were flirting with me with all that nonsense about - memories of having woman's tongues in your mouth." She knew she was right.

He smiled a little but lowered his head to conceal it. "Arashu..."

"Forgive me, lately I've spent a great amount of time reviewing my life. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." She quoted his own words, mocking him.

"Jane…" He scolded.

"Fine…Fine. I won't taunt you further. Goodnight Thane." She laughed lightly as he backed away.

"Goodnight Shepard. I will always be here to talk if you need me."

She would be patient. She could see something was upsetting Thane, holding him back. When he was ready they would make something of this… whatever it was that was between them.

"Goodnight Thane."

When Shepard reached her quarters, she lifted the fresh datapad from her desk. It contained the data from the collector base. Years of research on genetic alteration were contained on these files. Other datapads coated her desk- scholarly journals from Kahje research programs, extensive diagrams and texts on Drell anatomy, what little she could salvage from the Lazarus Project. A pile was dedicated towards research journals and biographies written by successful genetic engineers. Another pile was reserved for understanding Thane's lungs.

She had the most groundbreaking discoveries of science at her fingertips. The most brilliant scientist in the galaxy was only one floor below her. She had been brought back to life, surely the science that granted her life could promise Thane life as well.

Shepard clutched the datapad in her palm, pressing it firmly against her chest like a rosary. She let a wish moan from her lips like a desperate prayer. "Please let Thane live. Please let there be a cure here. " After all she had done to help the galaxy was it too much to beg fate for this one life? If she survived this mission she wanted nothing more then a life with Thane. A life of her own.

* * *

><p><em>Note: So sorry this took me so long! This was a bit of a lengthy chapter. I thought about splitting it up but I just couldn't. There is so much left to cover, and I have a whole storyline in the works after the suicide mission, which I will develop a bit in the coming chapters. I can't wait to… well I won't spoil anything, but I am taking this seriously. Maybe a little too seriously… lol<em>

_One thing that has been bothering me is revealing Shepard's weaknesses… it feels like suicide to make such a badass seem human. But I know Shepard has emotional scars just like everyone else, she's just strong enough to keep moving when she's wounded. Any advice on how to carry this out? What am I doing right and what am I doing wrong? I love your opinions! Anyways. Believe me there is more to come! _

_Thanks to __**RayneEthewulf, Sever-Black, errwin, daydreamer011, RevealedGrace, Rosethorn**__, and __**Maggie**__ for the reviews! And a big thanks to everyone who has subscribed to my alert list or added me to their favorites. I really appreciate it! _


	6. Sunrise Sunset

(Aite Dessert- After Suicide Mission)

Jane was soothed by the familiar sight of the shuttle doors rolling back to unveil her Aite home. The desert spit little pinches of red sand through the sliding hinges as a current of heat and sun curled into the vehicle. She enjoyed the dry air warming her skin, the smell of the chalky must of the ground pinching her nostrils. Sand smacked against her boots as she jumped down. It danced around her heels as she treaded the brief trail to the front door.

She opened the door carefully, sliding her frame sidewise through a narrow crack to keep the dust from stirring in. The effort was useless. A fistful of sand still managed to follow her inside. She kicked at the pile until it was isolated in a corner.

She shut the door behind her and tugged at the vinyl straps of her boots until they were loose enough to slip out of. Then she positioned them at a convenient angle on the back of the shoe rack. Hopefully Thane wouldn't notice the dust muddying them.

"Thane?" She called. He always greeted her when she walked through the door. She dropped her alliance cap on the end table and headed for the porch. He was probably outside reading.

An angry cough came from the bedroom, and then another. Then a crash.

"THANE?" Shepard dove at the room. She reached the open door and found him on the ground.

His shirtless back caught her eye. He was on his hands and knees, reaching for a capsule on the floor. The muscles of his arms tightened, his body heaved forward. A rattling sound escaped his lips that made the commander tremble.

"Siha… I'm…" He raised a weak hand as if to excuse her from the site.

"Your medicine." She dropped to the floor and grabbed the bottle. Her thumb pushed the lid off and she emptied the pills into her hand. She captured two and let the rest fall back.

"Come here." Jane grabbed Thane from behind and carefully directed him into a sitting position. Her fingers pushed the pills into his mouth and he painfully swallowed.

"Breathe. Breathe." She rubbed the muscles of his back.

He coughed again and again. She rubbed his back, brought him water, held him and reminded him to pray and focus on his breath. It was at least an hour before he was stable enough to thank her.

"Thank you Siha." He molded into her chest and dropped his head on her shoulder. Her breast rose and fell along his back, guiding his own lungs to follow her healthy rhythm.

Jane grazed her lips along the indent of his shoulder blade and rested her forehead between the two curves of his shoulders. He could feel her hot breath dampen his spine.

"You've been hiding this from me. I didn't…" Tears dampened the scales of his back.

"Siha…"

"I wasn't aware you'd grown so weak."

Thane pushed himself on his knees and rotated around. He wiped his thumb along her cheek to brush the tears rolling down her skin. Fresh droplets spilled over his fingertips.

"Why did you hide it from me? We need to leave. You need to be in a hospital. I'm contacting Kolyat now and…"

"Don't burden yourself Siha."

"Why, why must you be so stubborn?"

He kissed her cheek. "My lover's antics must have rubbed off on me."

"Don't joke."

"Forgive me…" He massaged the soft pink outline of her lips. "I find humor in the frailty of this moment, not in your suffering my Siha. There is something about a brush with death that outlines the brilliance of life. I find it humorous how wonderful this is." He flexed his fingers, observing the moving digits as though he had never seen them before. "Everything is more vivid, more brilliant. All that I feel, and see, all that I _touch_…" he stroked her cheek. "It's impossible. You seem more lovely then ever."

Her eyelids lowered as he curled his fingers around the base of her chin. He panted a firm kiss on the edge of her jaw. "Have I ever told you how much," he whispered against her ear," I love the blue of your eyes? The color is similar to a pale moon silhouetted by a fading star."

"Thane…"

"You're skin too… It's that same pale light…."

"Don't…" She felt weak and the sting of his touch only worsened the empty feeling already stirring in her gut.

He caught her chin and kissed her trembling lips as long as his lungs would allow.

"Please." She balled her fist against his chest, unable to say much else.

He brushed his rough tongue against the outline of her lips. She turned her head to the side and writhed from him.

He pressed his hands against the small of her back and crushed her against him. She pushed him away, but he returned. She pushed him away and he kissed her lips, she pushed him away and he kissed her cheek and her neck and her breast and her lips again.

And then she kissed him.

Her lips were heaven. Her mouth was wet and soft and tasted like electricity. It was the iron in her blood, gave her tongue a metallic taste as it slid against his. He explored every inch of her mouth, committing it to memory.

He had to pull back and gasp for air, but returned before she could protest. He held the small of her back to keep her in place as she shook uncontrollably with grief.

"Siha…" He loosened a button on her shirt and kissed the skin it exposed. "I will love you in this life and the next."

It wasn't until after their clothes were discarded and he had begun to make love to her on the floor that Shepard managed to gasp a response. "You are not…. Dyeing of this."

He didn't respond, only kissed her, only moved against her so gently it tore her apart.

"I love you." He whispered it against her ear as he moved, as he filled her and emptied her and filled her again. "I love you."

Jane tried to commit to memory every detail of the moment. She noted the ticklish sensation of his navel rubbing against her own. Her fingers traced the firm muscles of his back as though she were molding the thick tendons and tissue with pliable clay.

The thrust made her loose her train of thought. Jane whimpered Thanes name in a broken slur of ecstasy. He replied with a strain of Drell words against her cheek.

"Why… aren't you allowing the translator…"? She wanted to understand those heated words but he was telling his internal translator to hold them back.

"Forgive me Siha, I…" he groaned. "I…I don't believe those are words I should repeat."

She swore.

"Exactly." He mused.

When they finally collapsed the sun was beginning to dim through the shades. Thane muzzled against Shepard's breast, his eyelids quivering rapidly as he recalled something.

"What was that?"

The Drell's eyelids stopped fluttering and he smiled. "A memory of you." He smoothed her sweaty hair from her eyes and kissed her brow.

"Mmm." She closed her eyes. "A good one I hope."

"There are only pleasant memories of you."

"Tell me."

* * *

><p>Thane and Shepard paused several feet away from Kolyat's target Talid and his Krogan bodyguards.<p>

"There he is. How do you want to play this?" Shepard asked.

"Follow Talid on the maintenance catwalks." Thane's eyes were dimmer then usual. "Tell me what he's doing. The Krogan bodyguard will make him easy to follow." His words were darkened, lacking all warm he used when speaking to her in private.

The commander was beginning to understand what the assassin meant by the talents for killing being "honed" in him. She could distinguish a heavily influenced set of instincts begin to influence his posture. His eyelids flicked open and closed with animalistic swiftness and the movement of his firm chest excited. Shepard recalled a passage she'd read from a datapad the night before, "_Drell lungs posses a sizeable elasticity. Before engaging in physically demanding cardiovascular activity, their lungs utilize what is called Buccal Pumping. Buccal Pumping allows Drell to completely fill their lungs with air during locomotion, and thus give them the ability to remain active for long periods of time."_ He was allowing his training to surface in case he needed to engage in combat.

"Where will you be?" She touched his arm just to remind herself he was in front of her.

He studied her fingers as though they were translucent, as though he wasn't sure they were there. "The darkest corner with the best view."

Turning toward the catwalks, the commander could hear Thane pray softly under the noise of the bustling crowd. "Amonkira, lord of hunters, grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true, and my feet swift. And should the worst come to past, grant me forgiveness."

* * *

><p>"Why that memory?" Shepard asked Thane after he recalled their mission to rescue Kolyat on the Citadel.<p>

Thane rolled on his side and propped his head on his fist so he could better view the woman before him. He stroked his thumb along Shepard's belly button. "I was upset when you touched me."

"I know. You were worried about your son."

"Yes, though that wasn't why your touch bothered me Siha." He kissed the divot in her abdomen until she squirmed.

"Ha….hu… Why did it bother you then?"

"I kept expecting you to leave, but the more you learned of who I was and what I'd done, the more you clearly loved me."

He kissed her hip as his hands brushed her thigh.

"Ah…" she moaned. "Thane I can't think straight when you do that."

"Is this position more comfortable Siha?" He settled on top of her and let his tongue slide into her mouth.

Thane felt the blood running through his chest when she moaned. Her small fingers gripped his waist.

"Thane..." she managed to gasp in his mouth. "Do you mean to tell me… you still struggle…with….regret?"

"Siha I regret not touching you every moment you were in my presence."

She laughed against his lips as he began to gently make love to her again. His pace was delicate enough for her to mouth a sensible response. "Such a shame. If you had pulled me aside on Illois and stuck your tongue in my mouth I wouldn't have stopped you."

"You would have injured me if I'd attempted something so brash."

"You were brash enough to hold my hand."

He kissed her before replying. "Yes that must have seemed brash to you. Though it was more habit then a ploy for physical contact."

"You can use those ploys on me now." She mused.

"My _ploy _is already on you." He purred.

She laughed. "I have corrupted you haven't I?"

"Siha. You've corrupted me entirely."

* * *

><p>"Bailey will sort this out Thane. He's helped me before. Kolyat is in good hands."<p>

The commander and her crewmember stood outside C-Sec, watching the multicultural gamut of the Citadel. It was late. Shepard had lost track of time but she knew the hour by observing the passersby. There were fewer strangers arrayed in suits. The blue lights illuminated the slur of tight vinyl dresses, makeup and perfume. Drunken laughter and quickened speech were caught in the city's tumult. Strangers leaned against each other for support as they stepped in drunken dance to the Dark Star. An Asari maiden hooked arms with her mate and kissed her blue cheek, exciting a navy blush.

"Thank you Shepard." Thane lowered himself into the cushioned seating outside C-Sec and sighed." This would have been more difficult for me to face alone. I've never…" He considered his words. "I've never had a colleague or partner on the field before. It is nice to share my burdens for a change." His eyes pinched close as he rested his head against the back wall.

Shepard plopped onto the cushion beside Thane. "I wish I could have met your son in different circumstances. That must have been a hell of a first impression." She cleared her throat. "Sorry about that, I tried to not leave a mark."

He nodded. "I understand."

Shepard shifted in her seat, twisting her torso at an angle that allowed her to better view the assassin. She tightened her hamstrings to prevent her knees from bumping into his legs. "Will you stay in contact with him?"

"Yes. I will message him through C-Sec. Hopefully he will reply."

"Thane." Shepard softly tapped his green hand, encouraging him to look at her.

He slowly opened his eyes. They were moistened and pained.

"Do you want to stay? I could arrange a place for you here on the Citadel, I could call some friends who owe me a favor and you could stay here with Kolyat…"

He studied her gloved fingers. The armor was scaled and ruff like Drell skin. "You would allow me to abandon our mission?"

"I wouldn't think of it as abandoning…"

He shook his head. "I doubt the Illusive Man would appreciate…"

She waved his comment away with her free hand as if she were swatting a small bug. "Since when do I give a damn about his opinions?"

He let loose a broken laugh. "A fair point." He closed his eyes again and Jane could tell he was considering her offer. "I want to be with Kolyat I do… but this mission is also important to me… You are…"

"You don't have to decide now."

"I will ask Kolyat. He may very well be apposed to the idea. It will require time to earn his trust."

Shepard sank deeper into the seat and lifted her hand. Before she completely removed her hand from his, Thane caught it. He laced his fingers in hers, his webbed middle digits resting between her middle and ring finger.

"Oh…" Shepard checked Thanes expression. His eyes were still closed. He sighed and gave her hand a light squeeze.

"May we sit here a while longer?"

Jane caught the lump in her throat and nodded. "uh..hu."

She closed her eyes, enjoying the simplicity of Thane's hand in hers as terminals beeped and strangers walked past.

"Thane… If anything…" She couldn't say it, couldn't bring herself to mention his death. "I will watch out for Kolyat. He will be safe I promise."

Thane grinned. "Thank you Siha. This puts me at ease."

Jane sat up. "What was that?"

"Siha… someday I will tell you what it means."

Jane felt her heart pounding in her ears, drowning out the noise around her. The two remained hand in hand until the noise shifted. The laughter and drunkenness were replaced by a tired shuffle of strangers grudgingly dragging themselves to work.

"Jane."

"Hmm?"

Thane tapped the commander's shoulder lightly. "We must have dozed off. It is late. Or rather, early."

Jane rubbed her cheek against her companion's chest and sighed. "Hmm… fol… sheets…fif push ups… at attent... righ.. sir…yes sir."

Thane chuckled, and rubbed the sleeping woman's scalp. "It's time to wake up soldier."

He kissed her hair before she was aware enough to process his touch. Thane found the overwhelming sent of her intoxicating. He pushed his face from hers as she opened his eyes.

"Next time aim for my lips."


	7. In fair Verona, where we lay our scene

_**Author's Note: I apologize for taking forever. Thank you for being patient! **_

"Two households, both alike in dignity,

In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes"

"A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life," Thane finished the line.

Shepard lifted her eyes from the datapad in her hand. "Right. Perfect memory."

The teammates sat side by side outside Life Support, inclined against the cold metal wall facing the elevator. The opposite room was groggy with half-sleep talk and cheap silverware clattering against plastic food trays. Vat bacon grease salted the air. Coffee was slurring through a press. Mess Sergeant Gardner was assuring the crew there would be, "no damn seconds," for any of them.

Jane scrolled the digital page of her datapad and subtly placed her pinky finger over Thane's. "You could easily recite this yourself." She gently stroked the scales along his knuckle.

"I enjoy hearing you read it Siha."

Thane flipped his palm and caught the commander's fingertips. He observed the lines of rough calloused skin, the loose purple/black fingernail on her middle finger. Dotted white scars coated her blue veins- scars inflicted by needles and injection sites. Thane wondered how Shepard had emotionally coped with the physical and psychological torment of her two-year recovery. It pained him to imagine her empty body sustained by tubes and machines.

"Will you tell me what Siha means now?"

He traced a line down her palm. "Someday. Now continue." He said, lifting her hand to his lips to place a quick kiss on her palm.

"I… I've lost my place."

"Speak again, bright angel. for thou art

As glorious to this night, being o'er my head

As is a winged messenger of heaven

Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes

Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him

When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds

And sails upon the bosom of the air." He kissed her hand once more. 'That line suits you best."

Shepard smiled. She'd enjoyed spending down time with Thane the past few days. They'd made a ritual of exchanging ideas by reciting their favorite lines from philosophers and poets every morning.

"Are you sure you do not wish for me to go with you today?" Thane asked, rubbing his cheek along the back of her hand

"Ah... I ... No. You've become too much of a distraction." She mused.

"Hmm…" He agreed. "Distraction indeed."

"I have another task for you while I'm gone."

"Hmm?"

"I want you to meet up with and Mordin in the Med Bay… Mordin wanted to… ask you something."

Thane studied the commander, his eyes narrowing for a moment as though he'd caught her doing something mischievous. "Did he inform you of what he planned on asking Siha?"

She looked at the floor then back at him. "No he didn't."

"I see. Very well."

Shepard grinned.

"What is it?"

"Did you know that holding hands is a romantic gesture in human culture?"

Thane looked down at their hands." Yes."

"You're warming up to me."

He smiled. His lungs were filling with air. His body confusing itself as his chest ballooned and his heart reeled. Her dark lips curved in a way that warmed a blood trail down his stomach. He was indeed 'warming up' to her. Her presence seemed to diminish the guilt that had plagued him daily. Though a tinge of guilt still lingered as he continued to ask himself, "_do I deserve this happiness?"_

* * *

><p>"But Shepard would never allow…oh…Thane." stammered as Thane drifted into the Med-bay.<p>

The silver haired physician swiveled in her chair. She smiled apologetically at Thane and circled her palms along the sore outlining of her aging kneecaps. Her Salarian colleague stood uncommonly still by her desk, though his eyes exposed an internal jittery.

Mordin brought an appendage to his lips and inhaled through his nose. "Thane. Glad you came. Been discussing your condition. Have ideas. Want to discuss them." The Salarian swayed his slender profile forward- a strange angle that elongated the length of his alien features.

"Mordin and I were hoping we might run some tests… To learn more about your condition." Chakwas added.

Thane nodded. "If it would sate your intellectual curiosity."

"More then just curiosity." The Salarian began to pace. "Been reading. Studying Drell Genetics. Also. Find Reaper Genetic tech." He inhaled. "Fascinating."

"You wish to study my genetic code?"

"Yes. Do you understand the concept of Gene therapy?" Chakwas asked.

"Slightly."

"Gene therapy is a method of correcting genes responsible for disease development."

Mordin butt in. "Keplers affects lungs. Also genetic flaw. Replace lungs replace symptoms. Replace genes…" he inhaled, "replace disease."

Thane considered his words. "You have been reading Hart's findings on the Kahje genetic research program?"

"Yes. Hart quite…fascinating. Believes cure already exists in Drell DNA."

"And that's what we're looking for Thane- a cure."

A sliver of warmth slid through Thane's stomach and for a moment he imagined the possibility. _A cure. _He could live a full life. Watch Kolyat grow up. He could help Shepard fight her war. Possibly share more moments with her-But he knew these were delusions. The time it would require to discover this cure- his lungs would be useless by then.

He finally answered. "Tell me what to do."

rubbed her palms together. "You have a choice Thane."

"What do you mean?"

The doctor closed her eyes and inter-laced her fingers.

"You can participate in this research, or we could arrange for you to have a lung transplan…."

Thane shook his head. "Out of the question." He knew as well as anyone that healthy Drell lungs were commodity. He had read of successful, yet controversial transplants in the past year. The lungs used in these procedures were most likely black-marketed organs ripped from living patients. Cloned lungs were not an option either. Drell bodies easily rejected cloned lungs, as the usual method of therapeutic cloning didn't work on Drell tissue. Cloned DNA carried Keplars and borrowed DNA was rejected.

"I refuse to live off stolen organs."

The Salarian cut in. "Thought you would. But still… offered."

"I know you cannot cure me, but if you believe I may help you cure others, I am more then willing."

Chakwas wiggled forward in her chair.

Mordin continued. "Well then. Will start blood samples. Run few simple tests. Begin Research…"

"Before you analyze what you find, would you be interested in contacting Hart?"

Mordin raised a brow. "Contact Hart? Know him? Hmm…. Could share research. Compare findings…"

"I will contact him tonight then." Thane folded his hands behind his back and considered the idea. "He may even lend us Flint."

"Flint?" Chakwas inquired.

"Hart's Drell assistant."

"Hmm… Do I know of him?"

He shook his head. "Believe me, you would remember if you'd met him. He is certain to leave an impression. If Hart will allow us to borrow him, we may find use of his… special talents."


End file.
